Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Day 25 - 2 Years As A Non-Smoker!! :)

Last night I hit my official 2yr mark as a non-smoker! I was pretty excited to hit that anniversary :) The road wasn't easy in the beginning, but each day was a little easier (and the next even easier). I had to be willing to relearn how to deal with certain stresses (at first, it was a 10min shower - with or without clothes on, lol -- just to let the moment pass). After ... maybe a deep breath or two. If my hubby was getting on my nerves - I'd be up front with him and say "Gimme a moment" or "Give me 5min" (this was usually when I was being a bitch for no reason and just needed some time to find my center; find my calm). You have to be willing to acknowledge you're in the wrong (even if it's only to yourself, and not said out loud) and walk away from the fight (or whatever it's turned into) and calm down. Kids being a pain? Go to the bathroom. Even if you don't have to go-go, lol - just go in there and ... clean, or brush your hair, or put on some make up -- any amount of me time I could find.

Now - two years later, it's not even an issue. If anyone is smoking near me (even a block or two away) I can smell that crap on the air. It's horrible and makes me sick. You can just walk through it or near it - and that smell clings on you all the way home. It's insane how much it reeks! And it's insane how much I can smell, lol. I'm not thrilled to have my taste buds back - I'm a picky enough eater as it is, lol. But it is nice to be able to smell again. And it's even more wonderful to not smell like shit to my kids (pardon my french, but I smelled like effing shit! It was a HUGE motivator to finally stop!!). I can hug my babies close and know I don't reek. I know they won't cough from it. I know I won't feel guilty anymore about it.

Oh - and I can breath without pain! Hell yeah! LOL. I can take these huge, lung stretching breaths without anguish (followed by a hacking cough), lol. I challenge any smoker to do that and not cough like you're gonna lose a lung, lol.

I thought I'd share a post a did when I quit. The post itself was written about a month or two after I actually quit (cuz we didn't have internet) but the notes I put in there were done on the day - at the exact moment I wrote it. To this day, I wish I could have written more, but as you'll read (if you read it) -- writing about it caused me to have mini-panic/anxiety attacks, and I had to stop and go back into my Star Trek/Solitaire zone, lol.

That day was pretty tough, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It was the night before - that time between the 8pm mark and ... around 1am when I finally went to bed. That time was when I felt the most crazy. Like I would do just about anything for a smoke. The next day (because I was able to just do what I needed to do without much distraction) was quite a bit easier than I ever dreamed possible. And day 2 as a non-smoker was even easier. I tested myself on day 3 by hanging out with friends that were smokers. And I was able to handle that!! From there - all possibles became endless. The world before me opened up as never before, and I knew that the sky was the limit :)

Wrapping this up :D I finally decided on a photo to mark my non-smoking anniversary. I wanted to get a photo of how much a pack of cigarettes cost. I think when I quit, I was able to get a pack for around $5.00 (maybe $5.50). So when I saw my normal brand (Marlboro Menthol Light 100s) going for $7.14, I was pretty shocked (well, not too much cuz it has been 2yrs and the price had been rising pretty steadily while I was smoking). I just can't imagine spending that much daily for that (twice!! Hubby and I were both smokers and quit at the same time! That would have been over $14 a day for both of us)!! Thank you Lord for helping me find the strength to quit!!!! :)

Pardon the crappy cell phone pic -- I was in a hurry cuz I felt kinda silly taking the photo and wanted to hurry up. I only took one and didn't realize it was kind fuzzy :/

And with that, I end today! Tomorrow I'm starting in on Liam's birhday cake. It will be my first try at a fondant cake, and I have NO clue how it will go! I have high hopes and confidence that I'll be able to pull it off, but the doubt always has a way of making it's way into my mind :) Wish me luck! See you then!! XOXO!

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